Yesterday my world as I knew it was shook. One of those events that leave you unable to breathe. My heart was crushed, I felt helpless, scared and betrayed. The night was long and lots of tears were shed.
I am not by any means telling you this story for sympathy or to focus on this single event because it is not about that. This post is about my day after…
So after a few hours of restless sleep I woke up with a pounding headache and swollen cry eyes. A nice red hot mess. I, honest to goddess (yes goddess), did not have any desire to get out of bed. I was truly believing I wouldn’t. Back in my drinking days I would have totally called in the day and stayed home waiting for the magically hour when I could open a bottle of wine and shove down these emotions. BUT I am not that person anymore am I? I needed a reason. A good reason at this moment to get out of bed. I looked at my bed mate….
Although he was with me all night and knew what a shitty sleepless night it was, he didn’t care. He looked at me with hope in his eyes. Before hell broke loose yesterday I had promised him a walk “in the morning”. Well it was morning and we were alive and there was a world to smell out there! He was my reason at that moment to move forward.
That is how I had to spend my day today. Just moving forward one moment at a time. Some days that is how you have to do it.
I had also promised my mom I would take her Christmas shopping and we would have lunch out. Her favorite thing to do. As much as I wanted to come up with an excuse to skip out on that, I knew that I actually needed to do it. It wasn’t about me, it was about someone else and putting my self pity aside for their happiness. In the end I was very grateful I did that. I had a few hours of focusing on her and she was pretty happy with our day. Normally I take the role of parent with her now, but for a few brief moments at lunch today I got to be the child and I needed that.
The last thing I had to do was plaster a smile on and meet with my ladies for a training session. Frig, I absolutely knew in my head that I needed that the most, but I also absolutely knew if something came up and we couldn’t meet, like a snow storm or an alien attack, I would be relieved. They showed up, like they always do.
I swallowed, pressed play on the music and dug into the workout at hand with them. We focused and giggled and I felt their amazing strength around me and I sucked it all in while being careful not to deplete them.
Within 15 minutes of starting I was in such a better place mentally and emotionally. While exercise completely changes a negative mood to a positive one, doing it with other women is like a supercharge. One hour with them and some weights, I was ready to go home with a lighter heart to my family.
My point of this post is this. On those days, and we all have them, when we feel defeated and just want to say “fuck it” and throw in the towel. That is when we have to dig deep and just piece by piece find one reason to get out of our own sorry way. Those days when we think peopling is not an option are the days we need people the most.
When the shit hits the fan and it will, many, many times. I like to call them character building days. They will pass. They may pass quickly or they may pass slowly and painfully but they will pass and you will be okay.